That post the other day about lying to get into the Cannes Film Festival prompted many to comment that it took chutzpah to do such a thing. I’m not so sure. People lie not for its own sake – that would be pathological – but to get what they want, or at least try to. So I jotted down a few of the whoppers that have come my way over the years. Some go a way back, one is as recent as the past couple of days. Some I believed, some I didn’t but pretended to, others I realized were Great Steaming Piles of Horseshit, but I had no way of proving otherwise until later – like after doing a simple Google search. Each has a story behind it that I just might get to some day.
For obvious reasons, you won’t find I Love You, This Won’t Hurt A Bit and Cheque’s In The Mail.
- I’ve got a guy coming over this afternoon who’s really eager to buy it.
- What are you complaining about? I’ll let you in on something: besides me and the assistant manager, you’re the best-paid guy around here.
- I need the money to get my car fixed, so I can take us both to my sister’s big wedding celebration tomorrow.
- I just want to be your friend.
- This deal is going to make us both a lot of money.
- You’re so handsome, I bet you’re one of those men who gets better-looking with age.
- Those ones in the advertisement are sold out, but we do have these more expensive items.
- I’ll borrow it for the school term, then I’ll give it back.
- I have it with me. I’ll bring it over next week.
- I’m married.
- I’m single.
- I’m married, but don’t wear a wedding ring because it would interfere with playing my instrument.
- If I were single, you could do me any time you want.
- I don’t recall saying that.
- I don’t recall doing that.
- If you go across the street to Brown Brothers Ford and try to drive a hard bargain like this, they’ll throw you off the lot. You’re getting the best deal around.
- We don’t pay overtime because we don’t have the budget for it.
- It’s been a pleasure having you work here and we’re sorry to see you go.