15
Jun
07

The 20 Blogging Commandments

And so it came to pass that in the realm of blogging, its participants paused for five nanoseconds five short months ago to contemplate the arrival of Letters Home to You. Its author has now unexpectedly unearthed a long-lost fragment of the WordPress Blogging Bible, which he now realises would have been a great help to a first-time blogger undertaking this most difficult of tasks. He now passes it on to you, in the hope it will be of some use.

  1. Yea as you walk in the Shadow of the Valley of Ideas which come not, post ye not for its own Sake, for it is better to have a Week with no Posts than an array of seven Posts about Naught.
  2. Compare ye not with other Bloggers; just as their Truth is not your Truth, their Format is not your Format.
  3. Be ye not afraid should it come to pass the Feeling thy Blog has no Direction, for thereby miss ye the Point: for to express freely in good Spirit and gain Amusement thereby.
  4. Read the Scriptures contained in the Forum at WordPress.com, a veritable Font of Assistance in Matters technical and otherwise.
  5. Therein will ye uncover this simple Truth should ye search for it: it matters not the Size of thy Flock, nor how often they attend thy Sermons; it is in the Care ye show for them, and they for you, that is foremost.
  6. Therefore I verily say unto thee, focus ye not on the Number of those reading your Blog, but on the Content to be written therein.
  7. Be that as it may, verify ye not your Blog Stats upon the rising Sun, for the plunging Contours of this Chart can be an especially discouraging Way to start your Day.
  8. Be ye vigilant in consulting Lorelle on WordPress. Inasmuch as her Blog be full of wise Teachings, take ye not her entire Word for Gospel Truth.
  9. Seek out the Company of other Bloggers, for it is in placing your Comment on theirs that they will be led back to you.
  10. Fret ye not should said Bloggers not comment on thine, for they may liken your Blog to the worm-filled Droppings of a diseased Camel, and be repulsed thereby.
  11. Though ye may be of the Opinion that certain Ideas and Posts of other Bloggers be the product of a deranged Mind, be ye kind: lead yourself not into the Temptation of entering the Realm of flame Warfare, for what is written on their Blog in Rage and Fury can return to bite thee in the nether regions.
  12. Make no Haste in your Scribblings. It is better to await the Passage of time to re-write from the Beginning, than to post Thoughts unformed.
  13. Scribbleth ye a few Drafts should it come to pass your World be temporarily a peaceful Place, and Inspiration cometh naught. Be that as it may, see number one.
  14. Be ye aware that in this World lurketh they who would leave Shit and Abuse Unpleasantries in the Space ye kindly reserve for Comments from good People. Thy Task is therefore to place the Comment Settings so that ye may first moderate them. Though this be a major Bummer, it is better to make Things more difficult for All, than to permit Trolls – who have the attention-craving Mindset of little Children – to gain Access.
  15. And though ye may enjoy great Amusement and Merrymaking in crafting your favourite Post, be ye not crestfallen should ye discover it quickly lost in the Mists of Time. Just as the News printed yesterday be used today for lining the Cages of Birds and carrying home from Market the Fishes of the Sea, so too will these Posts dwell in the Realm of the Forgotten Blog Posts forever.
  16. Less is often more. Though ye may be blessed with the photographic Talents to rival that of a Gaggle of Tourists from Kansas, go sparingly with the posting thereof, unless your Blog be for the Display of such Images primarily. Just as too much Salt will render the Ground infertile, so too should Photographs like a Salad your Blog enhance, not overbear.
  17. It is easier for Rupert Murdoch to pass through the Eye of a Needle than a Myspace User to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, avoid this Pit of Iniquity as you would the Plague, and be content thereby, though scorn ye not the Befallen.
  18. Though ye may tag some Posts as Humour, it is Madness to believe that All will consider it so.
  19. These Truths are not set in Stone, but pixelated Dust, and will change as surely as the Tide will ebb and flow and the Multitudes will swoon over another Fit of Hissy by the Paris Hilton of Babylon.
  20. Though it is a Place only whispered about, it is not Blasphemy to proclaim unto you: from Time to Time it is necessary to enter that Purgatory known as Off-line. Just as ye would not remain in the Basement and play with your Choo-choo Trains for Weeks on end, so too must ye leave your Laptop closed and venture forth into the wider World in search of Sustenance.

And so it must come to pass that this blog remain unchanged and in a fixed state for about three weeks, though its author may not.

© 2007 lettershometoyou

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48 Responses to “The 20 Blogging Commandments”


  1. 1 The Imugi
    June 15, 2007 at 6:01 pm

    That is hilarious! Well worth the price of another set of those nifty stone tablets ;)

  2. 2 tt
    June 15, 2007 at 7:23 pm

    Absolutely “inspired” writing.
    Well done. :)

  3. June 30, 2007 at 12:46 pm

    I am inspired, I now have direction to live by.
    Not sure about the last one, that maybe asking a bit much.

  4. June 30, 2007 at 8:35 pm

    Not only did I find this extremely funny – I also found it very helpful.

    #7 is so true. Darn it, I check those curs-ed stats but once every Full Moon and I still find the plunging Contours of this Chart can be especially discouraging.

    #10 is a great reminder. And #15…Ach, I’m tearing out Exodus Chapter 20 and sellotaping this in instead!

  5. June 30, 2007 at 11:35 pm

    This is absolutely hilarious. Thanks for such a great post. I will be certain to follow #7, which is particularly pertinent.

  6. July 2, 2007 at 3:17 am

    Be that as it may, verify ye not your Blog Stats upon the rising Sun, for the plunging Contours of this Chart can be an especially discouraging Way to start your Day.

    Guilty.

  7. July 4, 2007 at 8:23 am

    Dear all,
    I am absolutely blown away not only by the response to this, but also by the fact that the venerable Lorelle on WordPress has recopied parts of it in a recent post. I am way too jet-lagged to say anything more than thank-you to all who’ve visited for the first time and have commented.

    ian

  8. July 5, 2007 at 8:43 pm

    I have hired a professional stonemason to inscribe all 20 of your commandments onto a large rock in my neighbor’s yard. Profound and life-changing. Thank-you.

  9. July 6, 2007 at 8:29 am

    abarclay,
    it would also make a good needlepoint project suitable for framing ;-)

    but having it chiseled in stone, however ironically: doesn’t that go against number 19?

  10. July 9, 2007 at 1:48 pm

    Wonderful post. All-in-all, I have fewer areas of diagreement with these than with Moses’ ten.

  11. 16 aaronkinney
    July 9, 2007 at 4:32 pm

    This is the first time Ive ever read any commandments that were worth a damn, and Ive read 3 different Bible translations!

  12. 17 illusionsofme
    July 9, 2007 at 8:02 pm

    this is hilarious and brilliant! truer words were never spoken, and as a relatively new blogger, i shall take these wise words to heart.

  13. July 9, 2007 at 9:31 pm

    aaron and illusions…

    did you get here via http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/ ?

    If so – welcome! Thanks for your comments and you’re welcome back any time.
    You are part of the 700 or so coming from that site, making today my biggest one-day hit count yet – by a factor of about seven. Actually, it’s been about 100 hour since 15oo my time this afternoon. I am blown away.

  14. July 10, 2007 at 4:03 pm

    hi recent escapee,
    thanks for dropping off that link!

    I guess I went against your number 10…

  15. September 6, 2007 at 11:09 am

    Now, if someone can only smite that dude over at I CAN HAS CHEEZEBURGER.

    Clever post.

  16. October 24, 2007 at 7:07 am

    Great Post!
    Every blogger should read this one, especially the one on wordpress platform.

    Love & Gratitude,
    Tina
    Think Simple. Be Decisive.

  17. October 31, 2007 at 12:24 am

    Definitely a tear jerker, brother. Nice work!

    I can’t wait for the begat version of blog writing tips: and Jepath begat Epthsala, and Epthsala begat Jerom, and so on . . . until one day my Blog was born.

  18. 25 Baikong
    April 25, 2008 at 1:36 pm

    hahaha that’s full of fun! may i ask you, how long did you wrote that one? :-)

  19. April 25, 2008 at 1:41 pm

    Hi Baikong,
    Thanks for dropping by and commenting!

    I wrote that in bits and pieces whenever I thought up a new line – I don’t remember how long it took though. :-)

  20. 27 Baikong
    April 25, 2008 at 1:57 pm

    well, impressive work, promise!

  21. October 1, 2008 at 11:43 pm

    Genius! Although these are hilarious, I think you’re pretty much dead on. My 4 readers thank you also :)

  22. October 1, 2008 at 11:51 pm

    Killer post, Letters!
    (Whenever I’m very deeply impressed, I revert to the 1980’s-era slang of my culturally deprived youth.)

  23. October 15, 2008 at 4:01 pm

    Hi, Ian,

    Distraction is everywhere these days, but I had to comment on this wonderful entry and send along just a personal note of thanks for your Blogging Commandments. I’m just re-entering life – including WP – after a month of preparing for, evacuating from, returning to and coping with Hurricane Ike.

    My house was fine, my business can be rebuilt, but my lovely blog, which was doing so well before the storm, has suffered from lack of postings, consequent declining readership and a sudden inability on my part to give a flip about writing.

    But I’ve begun again, and the readers are creeping back, and finding your post referenced in the off-topic forum was exceedingly helpful. It reminded me of a number of convictions I formed about blogging through those first months, but had nearly forgotten.

    Thank you so much. Whether the person you directed the post to will take your advice, I haven’t a clue. But I will – those commandments already are printed out and tacked next to my computer.

    best regards,

    Linda

  24. November 3, 2008 at 12:22 am

    Too funny! That was great, thanks!

  25. November 18, 2008 at 9:16 pm

    Brilliant! Inspired! In fact I concur with all the above! As a fairly new blogger I will treasure the sage advice offered in this post and will try to live my blogging life by it’s doctrine-Many Thanks!
    Kind Regards,
    Bluesphinx.

  26. November 19, 2008 at 9:18 am

    Such wisdom in this post is quite rare to find among the blogsphere these days. I shall certainly remember these commandments for as long as I compose my thoughts among the world wide web. ;)

  27. January 18, 2009 at 11:37 pm

    Ian,

    My post above was dated October 15 – and here we are, at January 19. I took your blogging commandments to heart, and just posted the most wonderful entry to my own WordPress blog detailing a bit about the journey they took me on. I have the pleasure now of seeing my work in print, and I’m as happy as can be with the path my own blog has taken.

    I recently received the Premio Dardas award for blogging, along with an imperative to pass it on. While you certainly are in no need of such awards, I am sending it on to you as a bit of a “thank you” for those wonderful posts that helped pull me out of the post-Ike doldrums and set me on my way again.

    Premio Dardos is meant to recognize “cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values transmitted in the form of creative and original writing.” You’ve a wonderful way of transmitting those values with humor and grace, and I’m deeply appreciative.

    regards, Linda


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