And so it came to pass that in the realm of blogging, its participants paused for five nanoseconds five short months ago to contemplate the arrival of Letters Home to You. Its author has now unexpectedly unearthed a long-lost fragment of the WordPress Blogging Bible, which he now realises would have been a great help to a first-time blogger undertaking this most difficult of tasks. He now passes it on to you, in the hope it will be of some use.
- Yea as you walk in the Shadow of the Valley of Ideas which come not, post ye not for its own Sake, for it is better to have a Week with no Posts than an array of seven Posts about Naught.
- Compare ye not with other Bloggers; just as their Truth is not your Truth, their Format is not your Format.
- Be ye not afraid should it come to pass the Feeling thy Blog has no Direction, for thereby miss ye the Point: for to express freely in good Spirit and gain Amusement thereby.
- Read the Scriptures contained in the Forum at WordPress.com, a veritable Font of Assistance in Matters technical and otherwise.
- Therein will ye uncover this simple Truth should ye search for it: it matters not the Size of thy Flock, nor how often they attend thy Sermons; it is in the Care ye show for them, and they for you, that is foremost.
- Therefore I verily say unto thee, focus ye not on the Number of those reading your Blog, but on the Content to be written therein.
- Be that as it may, verify ye not your Blog Stats upon the rising Sun, for the plunging Contours of this Chart can be an especially discouraging Way to start your Day.
- Be ye vigilant in consulting Lorelle on WordPress. Inasmuch as her Blog be full of wise Teachings, take ye not her entire Word for Gospel Truth.
- Seek out the Company of other Bloggers, for it is in placing your Comment on theirs that they will be led back to you.
- Fret ye not should said Bloggers not comment on thine, for they may liken your Blog to the worm-filled Droppings of a diseased Camel, and be repulsed thereby.
- Though ye may be of the Opinion that certain Ideas and Posts of other Bloggers be the product of a deranged Mind, be ye kind: lead yourself not into the Temptation of entering the Realm of flame Warfare, for what is written on their Blog in Rage and Fury can return to bite thee in the nether regions.
- Make no Haste in your Scribblings. It is better to await the Passage of time to re-write from the Beginning, than to post Thoughts unformed.
- Scribbleth ye a few Drafts should it come to pass your World be temporarily a peaceful Place, and Inspiration cometh naught. Be that as it may, see number one.
- Be ye aware that in this World lurketh they who would leave Shit and Abuse Unpleasantries in the Space ye kindly reserve for Comments from good People. Thy Task is therefore to place the Comment Settings so that ye may first moderate them. Though this be a major Bummer, it is better to make Things more difficult for All, than to permit Trolls – who have the attention-craving Mindset of little Children – to gain Access.
- And though ye may enjoy great Amusement and Merrymaking in crafting your favourite Post, be ye not crestfallen should ye discover it quickly lost in the Mists of Time. Just as the News printed yesterday be used today for lining the Cages of Birds and carrying home from Market the Fishes of the Sea, so too will these Posts dwell in the Realm of the Forgotten Blog Posts forever.
- Less is often more. Though ye may be blessed with the photographic Talents to rival that of a Gaggle of Tourists from Kansas, go sparingly with the posting thereof, unless your Blog be for the Display of such Images primarily. Just as too much Salt will render the Ground infertile, so too should Photographs like a Salad your Blog enhance, not overbear.
- It is easier for Rupert Murdoch to pass through the Eye of a Needle than a Myspace User to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, avoid this Pit of Iniquity as you would the Plague, and be content thereby, though scorn ye not the Befallen.
- Though ye may tag some Posts as Humour, it is Madness to believe that All will consider it so.
- These Truths are not set in Stone, but pixelated Dust, and will change as surely as the Tide will ebb and flow and the Multitudes will swoon over another Fit of Hissy by the Paris Hilton of Babylon.
- Though it is a Place only whispered about, it is not Blasphemy to proclaim unto you: from Time to Time it is necessary to enter that Purgatory known as Off-line. Just as ye would not remain in the Basement and play with your Choo-choo Trains for Weeks on end, so too must ye leave your Laptop closed and venture forth into the wider World in search of Sustenance.
And so it must come to pass that this blog remain unchanged and in a fixed state for about three weeks, though its author may not.
© 2007 lettershometoyou