OK, full disclosure right off the bat: this is a direct rip-off from inspired by Alex Beam’s column in today’s International Herald Tribune, that NY Times of Europe newsthingy some say won’t be around in a few years because it’s made of paper, and paper is just so…uncool.
As I was reading his column I thought: separated at birth or joined at the demographic? Because my good Mr. Beam, we could be brothers.
How uncool am I? Let me count the ways.
1. Until a few months ago, I used to think Bluetooth was a disease and BluRay a sea creature.
2. A blackberry belongs in a bucket.
3. A treo is a misspelling.
4. I don’t own an iPhone, but I do have an iPod Mini. The blue one Borat says is for girls.
5. My organiser is made of paper. I input with a pen.
6. My cell phone is nearly as old as my 10-year-old kid, who calls me Daddy, not Ian.
7. Text messages are a pain in the ass.
8. Skype is for people who can’t find their phone.
9. MySpace should come with a health warning.
10. My profile on Facebook is set to: Block the World
11. Our TV is square, and bulges out the back. We don’t have a TiVo, a Slingbox, Pay TV, Satellite or Video on demand.
12. I’ve never downloaded music or movies.
13. The last CD I bought was in 2004.
14. If I want to watch a movie or listen to new music, I take it out of the library or go to the local video rental shop.
15. I’ve never seen The Sopranos.
16. I don’t own a car.
17. I get around everywhere by bicycle.
18. I don’t have a tattoo. I have no piercings.
19. I like living in Germany.
20. I think expatriates who bitch about life here should vote with their feet.
© 2007 lettershometoyou
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The banner photograph shows the town of Britannia Beach, BC, Canada, where I grew up. It's home. But I don't live there anymore.
I agree with you on 20,19, 8,5,2,3,1 but I implore you to watch the Sopranos – certainly series 1 and 2 – I was a very late adopter to them (and still haven’t seen the last 2 series and probably won’t because I hate the arse being kicked out of things) but I was very very impressed.
I laughed so hard that I howled.
Apart from buying the odd CD and a recent – shamefaced, here – addiction to Facebook, I’m with you all the way. My only problem is that I live in the wrong part of Germany. I want to live in Berlin.
This gave me a good laugh as your list makes you almost unfeasibly cool compared to me out in the boonies of Scotland.
I also cycle almost everywhere (we have a working croft so we do need one car), I make blackberries into jam, sky pee is what my youngest son does in the field, I still listen to music on vinyl, I don’t have a mobile phone, I almost never watch TV, I enjoy living in northern Scotland and I think moaning ex-pats should be repatriated. Oh, and text messages are letters.
So, hail to you. For me, you are the King of Cool!
Oh sorry, I do own a car. (But I don’t use it very often.)
And I agree with Stonehead. You are very cool.
yeah i get it all except for not buying cds. your library must be really cool if it’s got the kind of new music I listen to
You have a facebook whatsit?
I was out picking blackberries last week in the wilds of wet Wales. Couldn’t work out how to get emails on the darn things, but maybe the signals don’t reach that far.
I do use Skype on occasion, because it’s a cheaper way of making calls to cellphones in far-flung, slightly backwards countries. I also have an iBook, which looks cool even though it’s well over 2 (!) years old, but mainly because under that shiny UI there’s a unixoid operating system for doing uncoolly geeky stuff with.
Sigh,
I have a blackberry, provided by my employer. it’s merely a shorter leash than a cell phone.
I tried a bluetooth earpieces. It was so uncomfortable, I cannot image anyone using one.
A lot of your warmth seems to involve electronic entertainment or communication devices. These are tools, use them or not — your choice.
The cool 20-nothings all seem to have the same obsession with constant noise. They cannot seem to live without it. Background music is ubiquitous and necessary, apparently, to be a cool 20-nothing. Since I am a warm (I don’t dare say ‘hot’ these days) 50-quite-a-bit, I actually LISTEN to the music I’m playing.
I’m on Facebook, cuz most of my extended family is. However my real name is not, since I’m so totally uncool I try to keep my private life off of the Internet.
–Vorpal
Now I’m conflicted. Either I’m so uncool I’m cool because uncool is the new cool, or I’m cool anyway, and therefore uncool by the former’s definition. I still say I’m uncool, but to prove it, I guess I’ll just have to go out and buy a Zune. A brown one.
Blue tooth might not be a disease but blue tongue certainly is.
not if you’re an australian lizard
Nurse, you’ve always got the best, um, images – can you send us a blue-tongued lizard?
I know what you mean about about bluetooth being a disease. I happen to have one bluetooth molar, and it’s very painful, so I don’t appreciate these tech gadgets mocking me.
hee hee, somehow i missed this post …
i’m obviously about as uncool as you are. my list would have looked about the same, except that i don’t have a facebook account (for this reason: http://www.thestar.com/News/Canada/article/255628 ) and i do own a car which gets used about once a week. and i’m quite in love with my video ipod i carry around to show off my stuff now and then.
Now, this may be a silly question. But how does living in Germany make you uncool?
I’m here because I’m a progressive fag who wants to live with his exotic Japanese partner, and I couldn’t do it in the USA–the capital of uncool.
Maybe it’s the sandals with socks. At least you’re not THAT uncool, Ian.
Looks like we’ve got many uncool things in common. I think I actually fear the cell phone these days, or as you might call it “handy” in Germany..
And I’d love to move back to Switzerland where I loved living.