Wow! Five bucks to fly on Ryanair.com! Let’s go!!!
So I go online and start to book. Two adults, one child. One cent to fly there, €4.99 to fly back. Fifteen bucks for the three of us! What a deal!
Fat chance, sucker. Add taxes and surcharges – the usual gouge everyone seems to expect when you see airline ticket prices this low – and you’re plunking down 150 euros. Not bad, but still 10 times what they advertise.
Ah, but there’s more. If you want to travel light with no checked luggage, and check in via the internet, you pay nothing extra. But if only one person checks in luggage, he has to pay an 18-euro fee. Everyone else in your party is now forced to check in at the airport along with the one with the luggage, each paying 6 euros. One checked piece of luggage: 30 euros.
Total now for our little new-year jaunt is now €180.
They say you can pay by bank debit, but the form on the site doesn’t work with my debit card, so I’m forced to pay by credit card. For each person and each direction, they charge you three euros, even though you’re only making one transaction.
Additional cost for the privilege of paying with your card: 18 euros.
They charge you more than 10 percent of the true ticket price just to pay by credit card.
I wish I knew how the airlines get away with advertising and pricing strategies that would land the owners of any other service in jail or drive them out of business.
If I have a craving for cheesy poops – the fatty, puffy kind which make me fatter and puffier – I head to my local store, plunk down a bill, pick up the change, thank the cashier, and waddle out.
But if I go down to my local Kwikee Mart and am told that I have to pay 10 euros for parking, 10 for using one of their shopping carts, another 10 to walk down aisle three, and a further 10 for the privilege of paying for my cheesy poops, I’ll tell them to go to hell.
Yet, here I am paying nearly 200 euros for three tickets which were advertised for 15. I know this is nothing new. People actually expect to pay more than the advertised price, and I should just sit back and enjoy the flight when it comes.
But there’s more.
I didn’t pay for priority boarding, so we’ll board last. Yep. If you want to board first, there’s a 6-euro fee per person.
Mr. O’Leary, here’s a tip for you and all your discount airline buddies: Start naming the real price up front. Go on. It can’t be that difficult.
Or am I going to have to pay 5 euros for the cheesy poops or whatever snack it is you throw around on your flights?
I can see it now.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard Ryanair. Please have your credit card ready. For those of you who wish to travel more comfortably, there is a fee of 15 euros to occupy your seat.
“EU transport rules require you to fasten your seatbelts on take-off and landing. Cabin crew will verify that your belts are safely fastened prior to take-off. The fee to unbuckle the belt is 35 euros.
“For those passengers wishing to use the toilet facilities once we have reached cruising altitude, you will be required to rent a key for 10 euros. Toilet paper is dispensed from a machine and costs one euro a sheet.
“We offer barf bags for those with motion sickness for a nominal fee of five euros. A mandatory post-upchuck toothbrush and breath freshener kit is available for 30. A pillow to cry in will cost you 15.
“In-flight music and films are available with our complimentary headsets, however you will be charged a connection fee of two euros per minute.
“Should you spill any liquids or leave crumbs on the seat or floor around you, you will be charged a 45-euro housekeeping fee. Those of you used to renting German holiday homes should be used to this, so quit bitching.
“For those with a working heartbeat and pulse who wish to replenish their bloodstream with fresh air during our flight – in other words, breathe – there is an additional group fee of 3500 euros for us to activate cabin pressurisation.
“In the unlikely event of a sudden drop in cabin pressure, a mask will drop down from the ceiling above you. Those of you who were too cheap to pay the six bucks for priority boarding, we know where you’re sitting. You will slowly be starved of life-giving oxygen unless you pay 150 euros.
“There is a credit card swipe slot built into your seat’s armrest for your convenience. Your transaction fee will be calculated on the basis of one euro per hair follicle on the flight captain’s head. You’re damn lucky I’m bald as an egg.
“Thank you for choosing Ryanair and have a pleasant flight.”
© 2007 lettershometoyou
PS. Thanks to this fellow on Flickr for the plane pic.
The banner photograph shows the town of Britannia Beach, BC, Canada, where I grew up. It's home. But I don't live there anymore.
Great post!
This is an issue that has been raised at EU level as all the discount airlines are guilty of this practise. I believe an agreement has been made that at some point in the near future airlines will only be allowed to advertise the end price and not the start price, which they cheekily flout to get the business in.
Excellent! There’s always the Queen Mary. It stops by Hamburg every few months to visit the crowd.
Hear Hear! I ignore all ads from airlines and the DB. I always feel conned after researching advertised prices.
I’ve never travelled with one of those low price airlines, now I’m just happy about it^^
Just wanted to add one thing more, a friend of mine once travelled from Sweden to England and back for under 20 pounds, including fees O.o
Hi Mortality – your friend got such a deal!
Indie – the QM is so majestic, I wonder if they even allow bloggers aboard.
Hezamarie – with DB these days it’s a crapshoot whether your train will have a driver
Hello Paul – and thanks! If things move the way they do at the EU level, guess we’ll be seeing honest pricing in, oh, 2015?
I travelled on one of those cut price airlines and paid the extra $20.00 in advance to have my own portable movie screen both ways on an 8 hour flight.
I still had to surrender my driver’s licence to cabin staff DURING the flight to ensure I didn’t sneakily parachute off the plane taking their shitty appliance with me
Sounds funny but in real life if what you post is really, truly, happening? — that is sad and a sickening experience.
On the other hand, if you profit from such practices then hallelujah — the beauty of Capitalism. Free Market!
Skateboards? Shopping carts and feet are usually expense inclusive.
By the way, you’ve been tagged xD Check my blog for details^^
nurse – you might have rented a car and sped off out the rear toilet.
Princess Haiku – we have to go over water!
mortality – and I’ve let you know on yours that I’m working on something similar…
My personal preferences for cheap flights:
1: Air Berlin;
2: EasyJet;
3: attaching a large weather balloon to a deckchair;
4: being clutched in the talons of a large bird-of-prey;
…
94: RyanAir
I’m not sure what the fuss is about. Their pricing is quite honest and transparent, and at least you know where it’s all going. Even with all the extras, 90% of the time it still works out way cheaper than flying BA, and even other low-cost airlines. I want to loathe Mr O’Leary, but I do admire the fact that he does a better job of identifying and then stripping out costs than anyone else.
I now know from experience I can save cash if I pay by debit card and take a small enough bag to carry on – and savings from things like that tend to end up making flights cheaper than anyone else.
They’ve already said in the past their long-term goal is to get the advertised price down to zero – which is great, and I’m right behind them on that. If people want to pay more for extras, then that’s their choice.
MountPenguin: I’m hoping for a smooth flight nevertheless.
Geoff: I don’t see how you can call it fair. My EC card – which is the most widely used bank debit card in Europe – was not recognised by the site, so I was forced to use a credit card. Why do I have to pay 10% of the price of the ticket simply to pay by credit card? It’s a gouge.
I also call a gouge being forced to pay 30 euros for one piece of checked luggage. It’s unrealistic to expect families to fly without at least one checked bag. Sure, singles can travel light and check in via the Internet, but if you have one piece of checked luggage the others in your party are forced to check in at the airport too whether they’re checking in baggage or not, thereby incurring an additional charge of 6 euros each.
How can you call that a choice? I call it a gouge.
And I also call it dishonest when advertised prices are nowhere near the real prices.
Like Herr Penguin, I too prefer Easyjet. They have recently begun to advertise prices including taxes on their website. Still some extras. Yes, an extra charge to check in a bag. And you may have to pay to use some cards (though I’ve never had to) and, if you’re in Germany, you can even pay from your bank account. Woo hoo!
pleite / broke in berlin – thanks for dropping by! I hope easyjet is starting a trend.
hello sir/ma
Are i want to are can i buck my flihgt on net with cradit card please i will like to no it sir,i will like to get reply from you i wait to got the repley i have a cradit card but i did not no are to use it for bucking flihgt.
yourfaithfully
Ayinla m.k
ummm… sure, I’ll do that for you, no problem…
@ian/ayinla: ROFL – I think this gentleman wants to book a flight?
There should be laws on clear pricing. It’s a good thing we have internet as it is nowadays: you can compare before you book. Or read nice articles like this one and be warned.
if you are forced to pay for checking in you can request a refund
info here
http://nobudgettravel.wordpress.com/2007/11/13/warning-ryanair-online-check-in/
Hi Rob,
True, but only if you’re forced to pay for checking in if you’re not the holder of the right passport. To quote the blog entry:
Where a passenger is unable to avail of Online Check-in by reason only of not being the holder of either a valid passport or a National Identity Card, issued by the government of an EU/EEA country, any Airport Check-In fee paid will be refunded upon application.
All three of us were forced to pay for check in because one – and only one – of us had check-in luggage.
Hi
Shouldn’t write such stuff. Don’t want to give that idiot O’Leary any business ideas
))