Fourth in a series. Part one is here, part two here, and part three here.
I’m glad I haven’t been taking this whole pizza thing all that seriously from the very beginning, because here’s the deal:
If you watch the show, you will see that the kids voted for which pizza they preferred by sticking little toothpick flags in a pizza, and that by the count, my cowpat pizza came in last behind the German’s, who won, and the Italian’s.
Actually, the producer had told me the day after we filmed it that I came in a very close second in the actual voting, right behind the German. I remember thinking as each taste-tester picked up another droopy slice of Italian pizza that it really wasn’t fair for him. He’d been waiting around there the longest, and even by the time we arrived with our relatively fresh-baked wares, his creations looked pretty lifeless.
Anyway three days ago, when she phoned to say the broadcast would be delayed by a day, the producer also said this:
Ummm…. I’m really sorry, but we ran out of little American flags to stick in your pizza. Because we didn’t have enough, there was no way to show that you’d come in second, so we had to make it look like you came in last.
All because they lacked a few flag toothpicks, they have to show that I came in third? Damn, maybe I should have brought along a bunch of these:
I guess it fits, though. Because I had to dash off to the airport and they still had more shooting and the judging to do, we faked the celebrations, so why not switch around the outcome besides?
As the late Canadian journalist Barbara Frum would have asked: Are you bitter?
Not a chance. I really had a lot of fun doing this, and besides – it’s only TV.
I’m taking off for a few days, but hope to post the video sometime next week for those who didn’t see it as it aired.
© 2008 lettershometoyou
OH! A couple of the many commenters have asked for the recipe – that’s on the way too! 
I thought the cruellest part was where the Italian and German chefs showed beautifully art-directed groaning boards of the ingredients, whereas they made you unpack yours from a shopping bag. What an outrage!
A Marktkauf shopping bag, to boot… isn’t that where you buy nuts and bolts and stuff?
Oh, Barbara Frum – wasn’t she wonderful! I got addicted to As It Happens when I was a wee slip of a 17-year-old thing back in Winterpeg.
Anyhoodle, you go ahead and be bitter if you want to, honey. First they got you to pretend to be an American and then they just didn’t have enough US flags??? … uh yeah right. Reckon any REAL American would have put up with that? Of course you had to because us Canadians are so nice.
Yeah, really want to see this video.
echoing azahar
Thanks, guys. Am going to try to get that video organised for sometime next week. Meantime, it’s off to the boonies for a little break.
Yes please to the video. And the recipe.
Enjoy your break.
Demand an enquiry!
If the camera and television crew liked yours, than you won by us. Too bad you couldn’t do a diva act and insist on a re-vote. Looking forward to the video. I’ll stop it before the end and just imagine all three sequences running one after the other.
I haven’t seen the show but how mean! Here goes the illusion that anything you see on TV is real! Making you lose because they run out of flags, pffff. Anyway, a few years ago I was in the audience of the galileo quiz show [not sure if it exists anymore] and I never saw the episode, but they also recorded the questions multiple times etc. Nothing is real on TV! (Not like I didn’t know that before, but you’d think they would not actually change the rankings! And I just saw they actually passed you off as an American when you are Canadian!) And that pizza looks so good, I wanna have a slice, stat.
Not enough flags? Hmmmm…..
A moral victory if ever I saw one!
Now, when’s the pizza party?
You were great! So calm and collected. My kids were very impressed. But you know what? I asked His Royal Highness (aka Mr. M) to tape it because we had guests and we wanted to watch it later, and it ran over time so the machine shut off just as you were going to present your pizza to the masses and WE MISSED THE LAST FIVE MINUTES! Grrrrr! I thought you were going to get first place for sure – can’t wait to see the video so we can watch it to the “bitter” end. Ha ha. Not enough flags – typical Germany efficiency, eh? Pffft.
Enjoy your Easter holidays!
Really, you’re spinning this all wrong. You should pretend this was your plan all along, to SABOTAGE the American pride, by making sure their pizza came in third. You did this in revenge for the jobs lost to NAFTA or something. Seriously, play it that way and they’ll fly Ian Hanomansing over to interview you.
Yes, demand an enquiry. I believe Gomery is available…
Ian, you asked if I had a hand in the The Canadian Expat Association; I’m a member and have submitted some writing to them.
I agree with raincoaster. You should run with the story behind the story.
P.S. I too am waiting for the recipe.
Bastards! I think it was fixed from the start.
Can’t wait to see the video!
“A Marktkauf shopping bag, to boot… isn’t that where you buy nuts and bolts and stuff?”
And Carpenters CDs. And €40 microwaves. And instant coffee in bulk.
omg i found a picture of the queen that links to this website and it is disgusting i cant believe you would portray the queen in an undignified awful way like that you obviously have no repect for teh Queen which is appaling. I dont know what this website is about but what the hell stuff like that shouldnt be on the internet becasue the is our queen and people should have respect for her
Ummm… hi naomi. I think you meant to comment on this post here, right?
Your attention is kindly directed toward the tags humor, humour and satire, which you will find prominently displayed at the top of that post. They are your guide should you misinterpret anything else you might find on this site. Thank you.
Why is it that these people always fail to leave a proper email address?
Anyway … thanks for all who left a note during my absence, including those who have dreamed up the most outlandish schemes for spinning this even further, especially Raincoaster – you’re devious and twisted! Keep up the good work.
Christina – such a bummer you missed the last part. You would have caught the kiddies going on and on about what a horrible pizza I’d foisted on their unsuspecting little bodies, how it was too “olivey” and “too thick”… You will have to laugh at the comment one girl had about the German pizza: It tastes just like from my Mommy’s oven. Well gee, is your Mommy German???
Cartooncat – I’m all pizza’d out for now, though I will put together a recipe post over the next couple of days.
Jul – I’m not so convinced it was fixed from the start, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter. It’s not the most scientific of shows, of that you can be sure. The other day I saw an episode where they set out to “prove” using only two drivers whether driving around in the city looking for a parking place is faster than staying put and waiting for one to come free.
I’m laying in bed, wrapped up in a blankie, feeling like crap, and I just read through your Pizza-series from start-to-finish…what an exciting thing to be a part of, and exciting for the reader as well, thanks for posting this
…I’m gonna keep any eye out for when you post the video, because I DEFINITELY want to see it!!
PS: in a strange way, maybe it was meant to happen that they ran out of American flags, because they should’ve been Canadian in the first place
Yeah, it is kind of fitting. I still laugh at what raincoaster said – that I should have played it as a set-up, that this Canadian deliberately tanked it to make the Americans look bad.
Still working things out with the video, hopefully sometime next week… The pizza series has been fun, but honestly, I’m looking forward to posting about something else, too.
Hope you get better soon, romi
Hahaha, I didn’t even notice raincoaster’s response but YES, that is the only explanation, a Canadian sabateur in disguise, stickin’ it to the big brother!
And I’m already feeling a little better, thanks!
(lots of naps and carefree drooling will do that…)