Has political correctness and touchy-feely taken over Halloween? I thought they were kidding at first:
Well, if it’s serious, then this works both ways, and I think the message should get out to kids, too.
They cannot just barge onto my property and come up my steps and and stand before my door to scream Trick or Treat!
I find Trick or Treat to be a rude, nasty, mean and hurtful expression of juvenile greed, and I’ve suffered for it each and every year. But this Halloween, that’s it. Unless the kids ring the doorbell and calmly – but in a firm voice – ask for their candy, they won’t be getting any. Here’s the handout, kiddies. You still have a few hours to learn it.
“We, the gathered children of your neighbourhood dressed as we are in costumes which may or may not be the genuine product of our own handiwork, the work of our parents, or older siblings, or more than likely made in China and purchased at inflated prices at Wal-Mart, would like to politely request that you provide us, free or charge and without prejudice or right of redress, with a surgary confection of your choosing, either store-bought or homemade. Failing that, we would be prepared to perform, again, without right of redress and free of artists’ royalties, a simple dance, sing a song, or tell a joke. Should we opt for a joke, said joke will not contain elements harmful to any person or identifiable group. The song, should we elect to sing it, is guaranteed not to be by Chris Brown, hero to some very sick people. Thank you.”
I think that’s got a snappy enough ring to it, don’t you? And it certainly levels the playing field.