Believe me, there are times this yuppie scum really wishes he could go home. Leave Germany for good.
But you know, I’ve signed up for too many things here to just chuck it all away and start over again for the fifth time in 25 years.
Things like a family, a job, friends, a life.
The job! Isn’t that funny? Do you know how much income tax my wife and I pay each year? Probably more than 15-thousand euro, enough to buy a containerload of spray cans, I’m sure.
Or looking at it another way, each time you spray yuppie scum go home, at least three droplets get sucked out of my paycheck into your welfare account so you can waste it on shit like this.
You make a lot of assumptions about us when you spray on our property and call us yuppies, so now I’m going to make a few assumptions about you.
I guess you hate us because we have money. Or is it because we used that money to buy an apartment off-plan on a junked-out and abandoned industrial site that had sat idle for more than a half-century? Either way, you have to admit we made the right move. Because money, a job and a home are what lie at the other end of that long and difficult chain when you start to realise the world doesn’t owe you a living, Princess, when you decide to suck it up, get over yourself, grow up and think about what you’re going to do with the rest of your life instead of where the next bottle of booze or hit is coming from.
Damn, that is so cliché, but some things have been true forever.
You may call us yuppie scum, but I’m sure you’ve got a friend or relative somewhere who’s glad we gentrified your shitty little hole in the wall. Maybe he’s a plumber, stonemason, hotel clerk or waiter, any one of the hundreds of people who worked to build something out of this place and maintain it over the past decade instead of sitting around on some chunk of downtown pavement trying to scrounge a few pennies out of selling used CDs and comic books while your slobbering, flea-bitten excuses for dogs get into fights and make a stinking mess everywhere.
It’s such a pleasure seeing your artwork, too. You really leave a lasting impression when you deface the only patch of greenspace for miles around where I can spend a few precious minutes a week with my daughter teaching her how to throw a frisbee, kick a soccer ball or catch a real football. You know, the pointy kind.
But if you want to make a real impression, why don’t you get off your asses, grab some balls and burn some vehicles while you’re at it? Just steal some barbecue starter or lighter fluid – dead easy! I’m sure there are a few Porsches, Beamers, and Mercedes parked out on the street just waiting for you to come along.
What’s that you say? Oh right – you’ve already torched more than 30 in Hamburg since the start of the year. How lame. In Berlin they’ve set hundreds alight. Good thing there are those you can still look up to.
I would go on and on, but I’ve got to get to work. Late shift again.
The banner photograph shows the town of Britannia Beach, BC, Canada, where I grew up. It's home. But I don't live there anymore.
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