A scam email making the rounds has slammed into my inbox with a resounding thud. Polite Canadian that I am, I always respond to emails – especially ones from Her Royal Highness – but I’m in a hurry today, so I’ll just fill in my responses in bold.
QUEEN ELIZABETH FOUNDATION
Yes, you bet I’m concerned.
The QEII Foundation, would like to formal notify you that you have been chosen by the board of trustees as one of the final recipients of a cash Grant/Donation for your own personal, educational, and business development. What if I just feel like going out and getting smashed a little more often?
The QEII Foundation established 1977 by the Multi-Million groups and with the objective of human growth, educational, and community development. Grammar lessons will one day be offered too, I hope?
To celebrate the 28th anniversary program which, if you’re paying attention, was nearly three years ago, The QEII Foundation is giving out a yearly donation of £488,210.00 (Four Hundred And Eighty Eight Thousand, Two Hundred and Ten Pound Sterling) to 100 lucky recipients. These specific Donations/Grants will be awarded to 100 lucky international recipients worldwide; in different categories for their personal business development and enhancement of their educational plans.
At least 15% of the awarded funds should be used by you to develop a part of your environment. Development proposals include turning forest into housing, landfill, amusement parks or server farms to ensure shit like this has a safe place to be stored and distributed.
This is a yearly program, which is a measure of universal development strategy, whatever the hell that means. The objective is to make a notable change in the standard of living of people all around the Universe (From America to Europe, Asia to Africa and all around). The Klingons will be miffed you forgot to mention them.
The QEII Foundation has been assured of highest organization standard courtesy of the British Government. It is our belief that we can achieve a great positive change in the general welfare of the universe through this program. OK, now I’m suspicious. The Brits spell it programme.
That is why the foundation is doing everything possible to get all recipients notified of their donation.
Note that your country is not the only country that is benefiting from this donation. Finally being nice to the Germans, are we? Oh right, your family’s German. Sorry.
Beneficiaries have been chosen from countries from all continents. The idea of this donation is that within ten years from now, there will be notable richness among many unusual people around the world. Gee, thanks! I guess…
This will give many people the opportunity to get their lives to a stage where they had always wanted. Kindly note that you will only be chosen to receive the donation once, which means that subsequent yearly donation will not get to you again.
Take time and thought in spending the donation wisely on something that will last you a long time. Guess that rules out iPods? Recipients are only eligible to be awarded this donation once.
You were selected among the lucky recipients to receive the award sum of £488,210.00 (Four Hundred And Eighty
Eight Thousand, Two Hundred And Ten Pound Sterling) as charity donations/aid from the QEII Foundation. Is there an echo around here?
Note that all beneficiaries email addresses were selected randomly from over 100,000 internet websites or a shop’s cash invoice around your area in which you might have purchased something from). Punctuation trouble is temporary. Please do not adjust your viewer.
You are required to fill the form below and email it to our Executive Secretary below for qualification documentation and processing of your claims. After contacting our office with the requested data, you will be given your donation
pin number, which you will use in collecting the funds. I’ve always wanted to tell you how much I love the way you grasp your sceptre at the opening of Parliament, my Sovereign.
All information is strictly confidential and will only be used for the purpose to which it is been requested. Vacuuming my bank account, perhaps?
Please note that these donations/Grants are strictly administered under delegated powers from the British Government. This means that your qualification number will be reffled to know the organization that will handle your payment. That’s a relief. Adequate reffling is the first thing I check for when verifying an offer’s legitimacy.
You are to keep this whole information confidential until you have been able to collect your donation, as there have been many cases of double and unqualified claim, due to beneficiaries informing third parties about his/her donation. Lips are sealed, Queenie babe.
On behalf of the Board kindly, accept our warmest congratulations.
Queen Elizabeth II, By the grace of Google, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and her other Realms and Territories, Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith in Spam.
© 2007 QEII Foundation. All Rights Reserved.