10 reasons why I love living in Germany

10. Great bread

9. Great beer

8. Beautiful women

7. Smack in the centre of Europe

6. Relaxed attitude to public nudity

5. So relaxed, you can plainly see a man’s butt and a woman’s cooter in an advertisement for gasoline on free-to-air public television at five in the afternoon, and nobody bats an eyelash.

(Best observed in HQ. Believe me, I’ve tested it. Looks like a cooter to me.)

4. Try that in the States. They freak out if so much as a wardrobe malfunctions.

3. Or if you mention sex.

2. Or cooters.

1. So there.

Disclaimer: Any complaints as to difficulty in hitting the pause button at just the right spot as well as the humorous quality or political correctness of this post can be addressed to Angela Merkel, The Chancellery, Berlin.

33 Responses to “10 reasons why I love living in Germany”

  1. March 2, 2009 at 6:19 pm

    Muuuuaahhh….I can’ believe ARAL did this😀
    They must be seriously hurting for money🙂
    And yes, I guess in that regard Germany is ok.
    But try to walk down the main street of a small village in your Bikini.
    The old Omas will shoot you🙂
    Here in Hungary nobody flinches an eye (well, if there’s a bath nearby).

  2. March 2, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    “Cooter”. Are you sure you didn’t just make that one up?

  3. March 2, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    Well, Germany is surely more nudist oriented than Italy is, although we are not that puritanical here as in the USA. And of course the States are big. One thing is the East coast or areas of the south or of the mid-west, another thing the west coast and California especially. I’ve been recently to San Francisco and I was stunned (and very amused) by the freedom and the easy-going attitude they show everywhere.

  4. 5 J
    March 2, 2009 at 7:49 pm

    Perhaps counting works differently up there.

  5. March 2, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    Visited Munich by myself when I was about 22. Found the architecture to be visually stunning but felt so isolated because of the language barrier (I don’t speak German) that I high-tailed it to London where I could converse with the locals.

  6. March 2, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    you forgot Fassbinder films

  7. March 3, 2009 at 7:42 am

    It’s such a “send a valentine to mom” sort of advertisement and yet, as you say, no one will blink at the “cooling off at the lake” bit. The sun is up today as well, so that is an item I’m posting on my internal list about why I like living here today.

  8. March 3, 2009 at 9:50 am

    Oh, Ian! And to think they let you out in public.😉

  9. March 3, 2009 at 11:50 am

    9 and 10, I don’t really care about.

  10. March 3, 2009 at 4:21 pm

    In upstate New York; USA, it’s too cold to go naked this time of year. We’d freeze our cooters off!

  11. March 3, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    I got into a conversation once with a German girl about the merits of Ken Follet’s novels, in which I said one of their best qualities, when I was 14, was the illicit thrill of the raunchy sex scenes he invariably included. To which she replied: “I guess that’s not a big deal in Germany – we have the porn on television every night.” While I like that openness, I feel she missed out on something important: where’s the fun if you don’t have to work for it?

  12. March 3, 2009 at 5:48 pm

    Wasn’t Cooter a character on Dukes of Hazzard?

  13. March 3, 2009 at 7:39 pm

    Crazy Cooter, comin’ atcha!

    Some things you just can’t forget.

  14. 15 Ivy
    March 3, 2009 at 8:25 pm

    Hi there
    Nice to hear, why someone actually loves this country. As you may know for many of us Germans it is hard to say we love our country.
    And by the way, I know this ad of Aral, I`ve seen it before but I didn’t even recognise the “nackedeis” amd I think none of my friends would do so you must be right with your opinion…

  15. 16 writechicpress
    March 3, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    We definitely need more naked in the U.S. And more sex. And more nude dudes in movies. Think that covers it…uncovers it.

  16. March 3, 2009 at 9:52 pm

    Ummm… covers, uncovers what?🙂

    @Ivy – you’re kidding, right? Or do you mean Germans are blind to nudity on TV?

  17. 18 Jeannine
    March 4, 2009 at 7:04 am

    Morning Ian
    Germany is great and Berlin is fab. We swapped our house in Sedgefield for an apartment in Berlin for a month last December. We had the best holiday, the Berliners were thrilled to be here – and it cost us little more than the price of air tickets. Great city and great experience!

  18. 19 Jeannine
    March 4, 2009 at 7:05 am

    Oh, and the naked stuff is good too.

  19. March 4, 2009 at 10:54 am

    I love the word cooter. It isn’t used enough.

  20. March 4, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    Ian, I was in a bog-standard chemist’s today to get a bog-standard prescription and while the lady serving me was running around behind the scenes tending to my order, I let me eyes wander round the shop. Taking pride of place in a central display was a fairly good selection of dildos. I pursed my lips and mentally composed letters of complaint to British newspapers.

  21. March 4, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    Sorry to disappoint you Ian, but no cooter. Saw the ad again yesterday and took a really good look–she’s wearing a flesh covered bikini.

    But really, it’s so liberating to be in Germany, land of the Frei Körper Kultur :p

  22. 25 Ivy
    March 4, 2009 at 8:24 pm

    Interesting. No, I´m serious. I saw a woman having fun in water and a mens butt. So what?
    I will do some research.
    Ok, I`ve got another idea. We don`t watch the adverts well, so no one recognises???

  23. March 4, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    @Cathy – Please tell me there’s really a cooter, the whole post rests on it!

    Maybe for research, Ivy, you should just record a few hours of TV and search for it later?🙂

    Update: not wanting to be obsessive about such things, but if you check in the comments on youtube for that item, others say they see “fut” around the 15 – 16 second mark. That’s Austrian slang for… cooter.

  24. March 5, 2009 at 1:13 pm

    When in Rome… so I trust you’ll know now how to behave in future.

    Nicht wahr?

  25. March 6, 2009 at 9:41 am

    I like 10 and 9. The bread is great. I love brotchen, these are not to be found in the US.
    The beer is cheaper than water. I like the wine also but I didn’t see it on you list.

  26. March 8, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    Whilst bread, beer, nudity and cooters are fab, and I certainly by no means wish to question your life priorities, what are the 3 things that you don’t like, you know, that really bother you, that get you, well, angry… that really effin piss you off about Germany?

  27. 32 Angela
    March 8, 2009 at 11:14 pm

    Love your list, although i would replace the beer with the chocolate.

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